- As you grow older, having a fun sex life can be a challenge at times.
- The sex boot camp gives you tips on how to enhance your sex life with your partner.
- Playing with toys is one of things you can consider for a more pleasurable experience.
If you and your man’s sex life were a person, what would he look like? A sexy hunk with a six pack, or gorgeous and curvy goddess? Or, will it resemble an old man who spends his time in front of the TV, watching soccer while he drinks beer? Can you even recall the day you wore sexy lingerie? Think it’s time for a change? Welcome to Sex Boot Camp. I’m your instructor, corporal punishment. For the next seven nights, I’m going to throw you into a series of uncomfortable positions. But when the programme is over, you’ll graduate erotically revived.
Day 1: Have the ‘awkward’ talk
It takes a tremendous amount of courage for two people to discuss frankly whether their sex life is failing, unrewarding or bland. “I first knew something was wrong when I started fantasising about a girl at work,” says Menzi, 32.
“My woman and I had been together for six years, and although everything else in the relationship was good, the sex was pretty average. Like a lot of guys, I thought I was a fairly good lover but it wasn’t until I asked Erica to tell me tactfully how I could up my game that I realised I had a lot to learn. Once we’d broken down the initial barriers, we found we could share a lot more of our desires without making the other person feel like a failure. It didn’t fix things overnight, but the ongoing process is proving pretty rewarding.”
The crucial components in having this chat are timing and tone. Don’t do it immediately after sex as the person who didn’t initiate the conversation will feel awful and impotent. Secondly, both parties need to acknowledge that if the situation is anybody’s fault, it’s both of them.
Exercise: Each participants gets 15 minutes to succinctly express what they have to say. This means you need to think about it beforehand because the time limit prevents the rehashing of old issues. The person not talking is at this point listening – not thinking of a response to prove how flawed the talker’s point is.
Day 2: Kiss deeply, slowly
Remember when you first started dating, sex wasn’t quite on the cards and kisses were all you had to convey your physical attraction? Well it’s time to go retro and rediscover the power and the passion. “I had become quite blasé about kisses,” admits Matthew, 34. “
Of course I love Nandi, but for me, sex was more about getting our rocks off than anything else. When things started becoming a little stale in the bedroom, I turned to an ex who had become a mate for some advice. She asked when the last time I kissed Nandi was. I replied something like ‘this morning’ and she said, ‘I mean really kissed her.’ Man, did it work! I got home that night, smooched her like I did on the night we met and didn’t stop even while having sex.”
Exercise: 30 minutes of deep, slow, wet kisses. Imagine he’s parked outside your house after a date, you haven’t slept together yet and are not going to that night but are keen to show that you’re attracted to him physically. Wandering hands are optional (as are cold showers) but strictly no clothing is to be removed and a little private fiddle later on is forbidden.
READ MORE | 3 ways you can up your game in the bedroom
Day 3: Touch each other
After last night, you’re probably craving a little sweet release. Go ahead, but there’s a catch. You can only touch your man with your hands. It’s easy to become so comfortable with one another’s nudity that your bodies lose their erotic value. It’s time to rediscover one another’s physicality through the slow trace of curious fingertips on bare flesh. Sandile, 29, says,
“My woman and I shared a house for so long that just seeing her naked wasn’t that much of a turn-on anymore – I’m sure she felt the same way. Our sex life was okay but it was mainly confined to genitalia with the odd nipple suck. I couldn’t remember the last time I had touched her calves, the soles of her feet, or her shoulders. I felt guilty that I’d almost forgotten how beautiful I thought all of these detailed components were when we first got together.”
Exercise: One hour – that’s right, you heard me – of getting naked and touching each other. You both need to focus on how the other person responds to your moves. Does their breathing quicken when you rub, tickle or stroke? Which areas respond to more pressure and which to less? Experiment with location and technique then watch for and solicit feedback. There are no out of bounds areas, but stay away from the erotic zone for as long as possible. When you do get there, remember that it’s hands only.
Day 4: Try a new position
There’s no need for your sex life to become a casualty of our time-poor society. Shaking up the routine is crucial to revitalisation. “When we had sex, it always unfolded the same way,” says Mark, 38. “I went down on Joanna, she went down on me, she got on top until she orgasmed, then I got on top until I did. But one night Jo flipped over onto her knees for some doggy-style sex. I had suggested it earlier but she was uncomfortable. Over time, she’d obviously changed her mind. I asked her about it later and she said that she now felt secure enough to try it again.”
Exercise: Finally, you get to ride the luurve train, but you know there’s a catch, right? No element in your lovemaking sequence can be performed in the usual order. No one’s saying you can’t fall back on some tried and tested techniques, it’s just the order that must vary. Oh, and you have to try at least two positions that haven’t done in a while.
Day 5: Play with toys
Each participant has to bring to party something that has never previously featured in your sex life. “After we’d been together for about three years, Mandisa suddenly started talking dirty during sex,” smiles Sethu, 30. “At first it was just the odd word at the point of orgasm but when she saw how much it turned me on, she stopped confining these thoughts to her head. Her vocalising them added a new edge to our lovemaking.”
Exercise: If talking dirty is not your thing, find something that is. It could be as simple as a new position or watching each other masturbate. You could also introduce sex toys or indulge in some elaborate role-playing.
Day 6: Exercise together
Now drop and give me 20. I’m talking to your man. A few work-out tips can give your man the strength and stamina to perform for longer. “My arms always gave out when I was on top of Julia,” says Sizwe, 42.
“She’s fairly petite so it became uncomfortable to have this weight on her. She suggested I tag along when she went for her jogs, which was an investment that paid big dividends.”
Exercise: It wouldn’t be boot camp without press ups. If you’re tired of him collapsing on top of you during sex, here’s the solution. “You need to strengthen the triceps, chest and shoulders,” says personal trainer Kevin Troeger. “This can be achieved with three daily sets of 15 push-ups. Also, do iron planks. Just one or two reps a day will strengthen his abs and allow him to thrust harder for longer.”
Day 7: Chat about nothing
In relationships, it’s easy to forget that what happens after sex is as important as what takes place during and before. It’s a time to emotionally consolidate the physical experience.
Exercise: After sex, spend at least 10 or 15 minutes having a chat entwined in each other’s arms. Use this time for subject matter that suits the intimacy and vulnerability of the situation. It’s the ideal time to reaffirm your feelings for each other, to remind the other person why you love them. Congratulations, you’ve just earned yourself an honourable orgasm!
