We’re all seduced by French style and culture, but are things always as they seem? Some aspects of France will always remain a puzzle to the traveller.
The lack of fashion
Your average French person is as casual, crumpled, tangle-haired and tattooed as the rest of us.Credit: Alamy
You arrive in France expecting dapper men, and women wearing fitted skirts and Chanel perfume. But the heyday of French fashion is long gone, and probably never applied to the majority anyway. Your average French person is as casual, crumpled, tangle-haired and tattooed as the rest of us. They’re neither universally slim nor chic, and more likely to shop in bargain-brand high-street stores than in Dior. They do draw the line at baseball caps, however.
Dog poo
The French are notorious for peppering the pavements with poop.Credit: Alamy
France shrugs its shoulders at the notion of picking up canine merde, with Paris, Marseille, Montpellier, Nice and Toulouse particularly notorious for their peppering of pavement poop. Why the French refuse to scoop baffles sociologists, and gentle education in civic responsibility hasn’t worked. The desperate town of Beziers has resorted to trialling DNA testing of poop so that dog owners can be fined. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the pavements, and watch your step.
All those bare breasts
Why are bosoms so routinely on show in France? Every female figure on every building and fountain suffers a wardrobe malfunction, even when statues represent staid ideals such as virtue or justice. Television is scattered with topless titillation. And no law prevents women going topless on French beaches. In 2016, the French prime minister even declared that bare breasts “symbolise freedom” – though the baffled outsider is left to wonder why.
French rudeness
It’s hard to understand how this stereotype ever came about. The French are very polite and will nearly always offer a greeting, whether you’re entering a shop or lift, passing on a walking path, or meeting in a corridor. They’re also formal and hierarchical, treat people accordingly, and avoid sensitive topics such as money and religion. But beware: this etiquette is abandoned when it comes to queuing. Use sharp elbows or you’ll be left behind.
Inconvenient shop hours
No-one expects a bakery or neighbourhood supermarket to close at lunchtime.Credit: iStock
Why are many French shops beyond big cities closed during the only hours most people can use them? This troubles workers more than tourists, with shops closed over lunchtime, on Sundays, and on Monday mornings (or even all day). But tourists do get caught out: who expects a bakery or neighbourhood supermarket to close at lunchtime? Still, in an increasingly commercialised world, this habit has a certain charm – providing you buy your picnic baguette early.
Cheek kissing
Kissing continues with insouciant enthusiasm in France.Credit: iStock
You’d think this habit would have faded in the COVID age. Not so in France. Kissing continues with insouciant enthusiasm between women, or between men and women. (Kissing between men tends to be reserved for ceremonious occasions.) The only person you don’t kiss is a stranger on first meeting. After that, kiss hello, kiss goodbye. Kiss three times in the south, twice in the north, four times in some other places. And yet strangely, hugging discomforts the French.
Cafe etiquette
There are many mysteries to French cafe-going.Credit: iStock
All the chairs on a French cafe terrace face outwards, because watching passers-by is more important than looking at your drinking companion. There are many other mysteries to French cafe-going. Why are tables so close together that you have to listen to the neighbour’s conversation? Why is smoking still allowed on terraces? Why are dogs fed titbits from the table? And why is service so slow? But the latter is a good thing: no need to rush, or order anything more.
The quality of croissants
How croissants are so much better in France is a great mystery.Credit: iStock
Once you’ve had a buttery, flaky French croissant, you’ll be forever disappointed elsewhere, but how croissants are so much better in France than anywhere else is a great mystery. Perhaps it’s the work the bakers put into laminating and resting the dough. Perhaps it’s because French butter contains more butterfat than elsewhere. Or perhaps because so many croissants are consumed, they’re always much fresher when you buy them.
Over-praised wine
French wines have a different flavour profile.Credit: iStock
An Australian lover of red wines is likely to be disappointed with French wines, not because they’re inferior, but because we’re used to a different flavour profile. Our warmer climate generally makes our red wines richer and rounder. Bordeaux wines are more complex than our cabernet sauvignons but not as smooth or fruity, for example. Syrah from the Rhone Valley can be great but never quite packs the punch of a full-bodied Australian shiraz.
Dinner courses
There’s always room for cheese in France.Credit: iStock
The order in which several dishes are served during a classical French multi-course menu is eccentric to outsiders. Sorbet isn’t a dessert: expect it right after the main course. Salad is seldom an entree or side dish but comes after the main (or the sorbet, if there is one).
After that, who has room for cheese? Well, the French do, so limber up on its cholesterol-laden goodness before indulging in the cholesterol-laden delights of dessert. Bon appetit.
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