Baldur’s Gate 3 is gonna be hot.
I mean have you SEEN the bachelors and bachelorettes that these horny game devs programmed? It’s like they looked into my filthiest, steamiest, smuttiest high fantasy dreams and made them into VIRTUAL REALITY. With so many different species of baddies, it’s a Mass Effect situation all over again. And the designers at Larian Studios knew exactly what they were doing. How do we know? Because the game’s narrator said it out loud.
In the weeks leading up to the game’s release, Baldur’s Gate 3 narrator Amelia Tyler has been posting a series of outtakes to YouTube, and they are HORNY. This is all par for the course in a game that features a seriously hot “I can fix her” villainess and a seducible druid who is a total bear. And I don’t mean an older, hefty, hairy gay man. I mean a LITERAL BEAR. There are moments of PG-rated sweetness as well, such as a dinner date with a Tiefling barbarian that ends in a chaste kiss. Modest is how it starts, but you can bet it ain’t gonna stay that way.
And in case you were wondering, your player character —no matter their gender — is able to get with ANY of the screwable characters in the game. And there are PLENTY of screwable characters: twinky vampire rogues with tortured pasts, romantic literature-quoting wizards, and a Githyanki who offers to lick the sweat off your body. The possibilities are ENDLESS. Tyler even joked that the game’s tagline should be “frantic bi energy” in one of her outtakes. She has also supplied us with other quotable moments such as, “I’m a bard, I can fuck my way through any problem,” and “I seduce the door … I’ve got splinters in places you do not wanna know about,” along with my personal favorite, “We live in horny jail, you can’t send us there. We have the keys.”
Don’t believe me? Listen for yourself:
While plenty of these scenarios are likely to be cut from the game, I sincerely hope that horny jail is an in-game location and that I will be rewarded with the keys for my … bad behavior.
(featured image: Larian Studios)
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