Ranking Knobby’s Funkiest Undies From Basics For Your Bits To Down Right Ballsy

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Whenever I need to give my boyfriend a gift, I get him a good present and restock his undies. The man appreciates a good pair of undies, and is always open to trying new pairs. However, it’s a running joke that I buy him the brightest (thanks, Knobby) underwear I can find after a Christmas purchase landed some seriously ugly red and green ugly-sweater style ones in his top draw.

Now, we usually split all our domestic duties, but it fills me with great joy to hold out on washing all his neutral underwear (or hiding the clean pairs) so he’s forced to wear his Christmas pair in mid-September. The look I get each morning as he slides them on is priceless. It’s a mix of joy, disappointment and ‘I-hate-how-much-you-love-this. Hehe.

So naturally, when I’m looking for the boldest and brightest undies, I turn to the Aussie label Knobby. The funky, home-grown brand focus on creating fun, bold-patterned jocks that are anything but boring, and they’ve recently launched a line of natural undies.

The pairs marked ‘naturals’ on the brand’s website are made from tencel modal fibres sourced from sustainably managed forests and crafted using an eco-friendly closed-loop process. This means that they use at least 50 per cent less carbon emissions and water in the production process. So you can feel good about wearing them.

Anyway, since Knobby has so many cool prints and patterns, I’ve decided to rank them based on how likely I am to give them to my boyfriend. Remember, I’m going for fun, so we’re starting with the basics.

Ranking Knobbys Funky Undie Patters

Merino Resort

I’ll start with the easy choice: this simple stripe pair. My boyfriend already has so many of these, so it’s a safe choice. These are also made from merino wool, so they’re a touch more expensive than Knobby’s other underwear.

El Scorpio

I’d probably only choose this simple pair to get him some with the longer legs. Apparently, he prefers these to the little boy leg shorts??!

Kia Ora Kiwi Supporter

Another semi-basic, plain-ish pair. I like ’em, but are they fitting the ‘as loud and bright as possible’ brief? No. So the BF isn’t getting this pair next Christmas.

Mango Tango

These earned their place because they’re named after my favourite Boost Juice, enough said. But I think we can go bigger.

Guac and Roll

Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Who doesn’t love guac?

Monster Mash

This pattern is… interesting, to say the least. But what really tops it off is the fact that they have a glow-in-the-dark waistband. Imagine when he takes his pants off in the dark and struts around in these babies?!

Hawaii UF D’OH

These ones are giving vacay vibes meets Simpsons, and I’m here for it.

Coral Camo

Now we’re getting to the more colourful pairs. He’d probably kill me if he unwrapped these. But they’re almost too good not to gift him.

Dragon On

The only thing that comes to mind when I see these is Puff, The Magic Dragon.

Gnomeo Gnomeo

If he’s Gnomeo, I’m Juliet.

Totally Hyper

These are serving some ~~BDE~~ BNE (big nostalgic energy). The ultimate 90s throwback, this design has neon in all the right places and a heat-activated colour-changing lighting bolt. Talk about a power suit.

I Don’t Think Theysaurus

The ‘I Don’t Think Theysaurus’ set takes out top spot one because it’s basically like Where’s Wally? but with dinosaurs — and two because it’s part of Knobby’s new natural range made from luxuriously smooth tencel modal fibres — better for you and the planet.