It was a long and grueling contest, but Ursula is officially the winner of Them’s first Monster Melee, our week-long tournament of villains. The Disney villain, who was inspired by the drag legend Divine, bested the Xenomorph from the Alien films in our final showdown on Halloween eve to claim the top spot. All week long, we asked you “who would win?” in Instagram Story face-offs between our favorite baddies, and the people have spoken: the butch sea witch from The Little Mermaid reigns supreme.
The news is a major blow to fans of the Weyland-Yutani Corporation’s famous Pride Month campaign, and to fans of virtually indestructible acid-blooded alien organisms more generally. We can only presume Ursula wrapped her tentacles around the Xenomorph and dragged it down to a watery grave while singing a vampy song, all without even smudging her aquamarine eyeshadow. Alas, in the end, the eponymous alien was just another poor unfortunate soul.
Ursula’s runaway victory in the final round aside, the Monster Melee featured some remarkably dramatic duels. The Chucky-Villanelle battle was a near 50-50 deadlock, and Ursula herself barely made it to the championship round after a photo finish against Jennifer from Jennifer’s Body in the semifinals. Y’all gave us some nail biters, which is a testament to how passionate queer people are about our beloved onscreen malefactors.
Emotions ran high in the Them office, especially because many of us were hoping for a long-shot Waluigi victory. At one point, in the middle of a bout of COVID, staff writer James Factora urged us, “If you’re in line to vote for Waluigi, STAY IN LINE,” but alas it was not to be. Wario’s lanky sidekick somehow bested the Cenobite Pinhead in the first round only to fall prey to the Xenomorph. This conjures up the image of a Chestburster exploding out of Waluigi’s torso, which is equal parts horrific and comedic.
But ultimately Ursula is a deserving winner — an intimidating physical presence with magical powers to boot. She’ll wear the crown until next year’s Monster Melee, when we’ll have 16 more villains ready for battle. We won’t spoil the entire roster, but you can likely expect appearances from HIM, The Grinch, and Team Rocket. And maybe we’ll bring Waluigi back, too.
Check out the final bracket below:
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