“These press-on nails lasted longer than my last situationship”

I’m a serial situationship-er; I lack the charisma required for a one-night stand but am too much of a commitaphobe to go the distance, hence the situationships. If the sea gets rough, I jump ship, basically. The timelines vary – from weeks to months – but my latest foray into the world of dating didn’t last the lifespan of my press-on nails. This means two things: 1) It wasn’t meant to be (and I probably need to work on my chat) and 2) These press-on nails are brilliant.

I hadn’t tried press-on nails since my teens. Back in the olden days (read: the 2010s), the only faux manicure offerings were elongated square French tips. No shade to these (if you can pull them off, I commend you), but I was not one of these people. They were also so bulky, never fit my nails and usually popped off as soon as I grabbed my lipstick out of my bag. Suffice it to say, they were more hassle than they were worth.

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Then OPI xPRESS/ON Press On Nails landed on my desk. I cannot fault OPI nail polishes. Punny shade names aside, their polishes are renowned and I own about a thousand of them (I wish I was kidding). So, if anyone was going to get me on board the press-on nail train, it was going to be them.

They claimed to last a whopping fourteen days and were available in shorter nail lengths than many offerings on the shelves. A bonus? They came in OPI‘s most iconic shades: Lincoln Park After Dark, Big Apple Red and Bubble Bath. Each kit comes with a variety of nail sizes, nail glue, an acetone wipe and a buffer to get those nails prepped and ready. They’re £15.99, which is pricier than some, but they are reusable (more than I can say about some men).

This coincided with my latest Hinge match. We’d made it out of the app and set an impromptu date, meaning I didn’t have time to take off my chipped nail polish and redo it before our first meeting. In a panic, I reached for OPI’s press-ons to make their debut.

To get them as long-lasting as possible, the instructions mentioned placing the glue on both my nail and the fake nail – this is crucial. If you’re only after a one-night stand with your press-ons, you can place the glue on just your faux nail. I did these in a rush on my sofa and it turned out surprisingly well (minus the glue that I’d clumsily coated some of my fingers with). They certainly made a good first impression, that’s for sure. My date on the other hand, not so much.

Being indecisive is a big red flag for me, so aimlessly wandering around trying to find a space in a pub, whilst making awkward small talk and navigating London’s busy pavements, isn’t ideal. The conversation was decent enough but I knew things had gone awry when my press-ons were more of a turn-on than my date. OPI’s press-on nails 1-0 my date.

I believe that first dates are always the worst – the hype, the initial awkwardness of trying to find each other – so, I persevered. Skip ahead, my nails had endured three dates over three weeks and hadn’t budged. My date, on the other hand, had started to fizzle. The cracks had started to show in my situationship, but my nails looked as smooth and sleek as when I’d originally placed them on.

While the end of my situationship may have resulted in mutual ghosting (don’t worry, no Taylor Swift was required), I realised I didn’t want to break up with my OPI press-ons. I’d neglected them, been unnecessarily brutal and they’d stuck by me. Even through tough times, like DIY home touch-ups and a wardrobe clear-out, and still looked in tip-top shape. I honestly couldn’t tell them apart from my latest gel manicure, which definitely has me hesitating to book in for future manis. It’s safe to say, I’m in love.

Buying press-on nails ≥ opening Hinge.

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