Chainsaws In The Booty – ATS – 2.23.24 | ROCK 95.5 | The Angi Taylor Show

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today’s show. However, if you’re looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you’ve come to the right place. 

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

It is definitely Friday and from the quality of the texts and calls today, it seems like some of the roadies decided to kick it off a bit early. Maybe they just had a bad day like our beloved Marris who had back to back incidents that made his day not ideal. It started last night with DoorDash, which was inspired by the story of a woman who is tired of DoorDash no longer following the door part of her delivery and making it more like StreetDash. Marris explained that upon ordering food last night, he too was subjected to the treatment the woman was complaining about. For Angi, it’s not much of an issue as her deliveries are usually booze but Marris’ food bowl was a different story. Though he lives in only a three story building, the driver could not be bothered to bring the food in and left it outside and near the trash, you know where the rats are looking for food. Other times, the food is tossed in the foyer and there are hungry neighbors who could easily snatch it before Marris finds a moment in his round of Fifa 24 to go down and get it. Angi was there to offer a proper life hack that should force the driver to do their job every time. When she places an order, she says she can’t go down to get it because her baby is sleeping (and by baby she means bottle of wine.) This may actually work for Marris because even putting “I Am Disabled” in the notes won’t stop them from making you take your wheelchair down the stairs for a cheeseburger. Then again, if you answer the door and look like Angi, they may clock you for being 150 years old and know there is no baby. Still, it didn’t seem like things could get worse and yet they did (funny how that happens.) Marris almost didn’t make the show this morning because he absent mindedly (see: on purpose) locked himself out of his condo. He had no house keys or car keys because after packing first breakfast, his sinus meds and his morning blend of Prime, coffee and Jack Daniels, he went out the door without a thought. After doing a pat down, he realized that he did not have any keys but luckily he had his phone. He couldn’t call anyone for a key drop off though because it was 4 A.M. and the only other viable solution was to kick the door in. However, imagine you wake up to hear someone kicking in a door at 4 A.M., yeah that would have ended poorly. Luckily, he remembered he had Lyft on his phone and was able to arrive on time for the show. As for how he’s getting home, Angi offered him a ride but I’ve seen enough after school specials to know that this will probably end poorly.

Other Stuff from Today’s Show:

So Spring is technically here and I’m going to blame the early hayfever (or Marris) on how this Daily Discussion Topic went so very wrong. Angi wanted to hear from the roadies about their bucket lists and things they’ve tried off it … that they would never do again. Something here got lost in translation as you’ll see but before we get to the unhinged wrong answers only session, let’s look at a few of Angi’s. Running a marathon done and never ever again. Having a big wedding, this one she would do especially after Jay the Straight leaves her for Misty Mountains but she wouldn’t go into debt over it. Go on a cruise, never ever again and that was because she didn’t realize she suffers from seasickness. Marris has never been on one but for him, it’s not a high priority or any for that matter. Angi further elaborated why cruises are hell including to need to get a jump on seasick, feeling trapped on the boat and then being forced to go into a tourist trap port. Angi would also definitely marry again (which you know seems redundant after the wedding comment) but would not sleep with a co-worker again. So, we got the spirit of what she was seeking to hear and then we went off a cliff, no brakes. Marris said he would never ride a Greyhound bus again as it was chaotic torture that turned a two and a half hour trip in fourish with stops. Also, the bathroom was out of order and someone used it anyway. Angi explained how her sister took a Megabus and it was a six hour ride that was longer than it should have been. Before we got to the Request Line (shudder,) Angi mentioned that she wanted to go to Spain and that part of her bucket list keeps getting pushed back due to work and wine drinking on the couch. Right then, first we had Jack who said going back to crazy ex girlfriends. Metalhead Mark said going into the pit with his kids at a Slipknot/Disturbed show. At the time his daughter was 16 and his son was 13. Angi went on her sexual assault carwash rant but let’s move along. Alex said go back to the food service industry and did not understand the assignment clearly. To save face he added that he wanted to be a waiter. Rob has never skydived and yet called to mention it, enraging Angi. As she ranted and raved, Marris took the blame for the domino effect. Terry said going to a spa after he went with an ex to get a facial and it just went all sorts of wrong. The last caller’s name I missed but something about being stuck on an Amtrak train for 24 hours. This is how Tyra felt when she yelled at that girl that one time I bet. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.

Moving along, Gen Z (aka HP) is giving us vague hope because a recent Tiktok (there goes that hope) showcased that 9 out of 10 would rather have an excellent credit score over 50,000 social media followers on Tiktok. This sort of goes against the commonly seen point of how all these younger people desire to be famous and known on the socials and that is great. Marris pointed out that he would rather show off his condo/house to his 500 followers than live at home with his parents just so he could have a bunch of people consume his content that is irrelevant. Angi took issue with this because she has yet to be invited to hang at Marris’ condo but he says it’s only because it is an unorganized mess with video games and Funko Pops lying all over the place. We then got Marris begging for bots to hit him up on dating sites before we turned it back to Millennials (though we started with Gen Z.) Apparently, millennials tend to check their credit score starting in their 20’s. That makes sense as Marris checked his recently and HP actively ignores hers. Angi was in that same boat until she bought a car. It was nice though to see that people care about their credit score and they’re starting to understand that people on social media are not valid currency.

Finally, if you plan on being messy this weekend, get in line. I mean, sure you could be a good boy like Marris who has never been arrested but where’s the fun in that. You should be like a woman who was arrested in Columbus the other day who had a whopping 649 arrest warrants. Ahyoka Keith, also known as Carol Ann Sumner, had 322 felonies and 327 misdemeanors including identity theft, theft, truck theft, financial exploitation of an elderly person. As expected from this show, Marris was disappointed that she didn’t make it to 650 and Angi said that she should really go all out and try to hit 1,000. 

Don’t Kill Angi Weekly Recap:

Mon: Angi celebrated President’s Day

Choice: N/A

Result: Angi clearly loved February as it gave her copious amounts of days off due to holidays and this was one of them. Instead of spending her time lying on the couch and drinking wine all day, she spiced up the free day by fighting with her husband until she went to bed. (N/A)

Tue: Angi wanted to get a new pet

Choice: Katrina had Angi decide to get a pot bellied pig.

Result: Since it was National Love Your Pet Day, Angi decided to do just that by neglecting her aging, dementia ridden dogs and getting herself a new pet instead. Considering every variation of pet worth having, Angi eventually had settled upon a pot bellied pig. Oddly enough, there was an exotic pet farm fairly close to her house and so she took a trip over to pick up her pink bundle of joy. However, as she entered the farm area, she immediately noticed that there was a giant pack of llamas wandering around. Faster than she could forget why she had initially come through, Angi found herself enthralled by a big brown llama for sale. Walking right past the pigs, Angi ended up buying the llama instead and named her Jenny. Going back home with her newly claimed pet, Angi decided to celebrate by getting high. After getting baked, Angi decided to bake both frozen pizza and mac & cheese, assuming that was what llama’s ate. Unfortunately, Jenny scoffed at Angi’s offerings which meant she had to go to the store to figure out what llama’s ate. While at Jewel though, Jenny was left alone and it gave her just enough time to go forth and drink all of Angi’s wine. By the time she was back from the store, Angi was tired and parched. Going to the wine cellar, Angi was horrified to find that the llama had drunk all of it. Furious, Angi stapled a CTA card to Jenny and threw her out of the house, ending her dreams of a llama pet and a wine soaked evening. (Alive)

Wed: Angi was hounded for her organs

Choice: Jeff had Angi decide to donate her ass to her sister.

Result: Knowing that it would probably come to it one day, Angi was none too surprised that her indebted sister decided she wanted something else from her. Instead of money though, this time her sister needed an ass transplant after she lost hers to a tragic accident. After considering it, Angi decided to be Mother Teresa once again and agreed to the surgery. The best she figured that could come from it would be that the severely fractured relationship with her sister would at least be mended after the transplant. Once the surgery was complete and Angi finally woke up out of her drug induced haze, she looked out from her hospital bed and saw her sister near a mirror. Instead of recovering like Angi, she was up and about taking booty selfies for her Instagram. Enraged, Angi jumped out of her bed wires and all and lunged for her sister. Unfortunately, with her ass now removed, Angi’s ability to run was also compromised. Seeing that her sister was coming for her though caused Angi’s sister to make a rash decision. She reached onto a tray and grabbed a handful of scalpels which she threw at Angi. One of them caught the bullseye and hit Angi square in the throat, causing her to fall forward and impale herself on it on the hospital floor. (Dead)

Thur: Angi wanted to douse herself in mens cologne

Choice: Taylor had Angi decide to use Acqua Di Giò.

Result: Enraged, angered and mad as usual, Angi was in full on revenge mode when she assumed that her husband was cheating on her because she smelled perfume. Obviously, because her pettiness knows no bounds, Angi decided to turn the tables by smothering herself in mens cologne. Going for the worst smell she could think of, Angi grabbed a bottle of Acqua Di Giò and splashed it all over her neck, hands, wrists and chest. After making sure she stunk to high heaven, Angi made her way over to Jay the Straight and snuggled up to him. She hugged him, kissed him and really got up in his face so he would get a whiff. It took only a moment for him to realize that something was amiss and as he swatted her away, he explained that she smelled like Excalibur night club in 2008. Knowing that her point was made, Angi turned around and started yelling at him. “That’s revenge for you smelling like a baby prostitute!” However, all of this backfired on Angi when Jay the Straight actually got offended by her calling his new girlfriend a baby prostitute. Just as he said it, the front door of Floptopia flung open and Misty the Baby Prostitute ran into the house, tired of hearing Angi talking ish. Before Angi could react, the baby prostitute ran into her and stabbed her repeatedly with baby spoons. (Dead)

Fri: Angi wanted to retry a hated bucket list item

Choice: John had Angi decide to run a marathon.

Result: Angi was definitely a glutton for punishment and this day truly showed that. After figuring that giving into her desire to create content for the show, Angi decided to attempt one more marathon before it was too late. She knew the training was going to be awful and after a handful of runs, she was right. However, it was nice outside in February and so a run after the show was in order. Heading across the Lake Shore path as she did every morning, it was all going well until she found her access abruptly cut off by a massive flock of geese. Annoyed, Angi had to pause and attempt to figure out how to get around them. She decided the best course would just be to keep running and swerve once they were within eyesight. It seemed like the idea actually would pan out but as she moved past a few of the geese, Angi ended up tripping on a pile of man sized goose poop in front of her path. She hit the ground hard but as she tried to pull herself back up, the geese were upon her. The massive flock surrounded the elderly maiden and proceeded to peck her to death. (Dead)

Request Wars 3.0 

Current Champion: Angi (1x)

Angi’s Song Choice: “Lumberjack” by Jackyl

Marris’ Song Choice: “All Along the Watchtower” by Jimi Hendrix

Winner: Marris

10 O’ Clock Toast

Toastee: The Cheaters

In an absolutely unhinged toast, Angi wanted the roadies to lie, cheat and steal. Though this was more directed at people who take Ozempic and don’t go to the gym anymore and throw up when they do, this somehow pivoted to her saying that the roadie should go rob a liquor store. (Please note that Rock 95.5 and The Angi Taylor Show don’t want you to actually do this. Angi clearly is out of her mind.)

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

“I order DoorDash all the time, mostly for booze.” – Angi

“The roadies are all on bath salts today.” – Angi

“Listening to the radio when they didn’t let yappy skanks like Taylor host radio shows and give you herpes through your speakers.” – Minn Barb

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